My Poetry Blog

[picture taken outside, @ my family's laundry room] 🛌🏽 [CW: dissociation] 🍳 “Who am I?” Traveling to México in July cracked me open like eggshells before scrambled breakfast & tortillas. A blend of diasporic trauma & ancestral healing. It was sleepless nights from paranoia & an unfamiliar bed, bawling my eyes out from deprivation & dissociation, and being immersed in a completely new environment. •👥• It was the shadow work I didn’t know I needed. To realize how I let communal expectations mold my reality. To tighten my hold on my voice and stand firm in my boundaries. No more sleeplessness and hallucinations. No more silencing myself to feel comfortable in my blood-curdling pain. My resting days of hanging out with cousins at home were vital to me feeling at peace. •💔• Pretty pictures can conceal so much. Like how your sleep-deprived self can hallucinate: half of your body staying up all night beside your strange bed while in sleep paralysis. How it slowly rocked in a fetus position, mind broken into a state of shock. Trauma is not invisible. It ruptures brain cells, muscle, bone, and entire psyches. But I’m not here to colonize my experience as sacrilege. I am divinity itself, I am the body of God. I grew into myself in so many ways that “holy” could never count... •🗣️ • { In just ONE WEEK, I’ll be heading to Baltimore for the Stonewall International Poetry Slam with @sipsfest ! If you resonate with my storytelling & poetry, I invite you to financially support me as a donor or Patron and see behind the veil of my creative growth - music, creativity prompts and much more! [ linktr.ee/dogdaysareover ] I’ve been preparing to put my all into my performance & ensure my experience connects me with those aligned with my message of self-love, healing, acceptance, and abundant growth. Thank you all for your support. } • 🛐• ⛪ I crawled out of the cathedral of Catholicism long ago, and I’m learning to rebuild this structure of self-silencing. Cathedrals tend to face the sun as it rises with people praying towards light. When the rays finally reached my closed eyelids, I began to unwind the poison in my bones. It ached like a million swords piercing my marrow all at once. I couldn’t bear to feel so trapped in my mind that all I wanted was to rest for days at a time. I had to sanctify my entire being to stitch the edges of my split psyche back into place. A broken mosaic of stained glass, shattering into a masterpiece. 🌱Despite my family’s expectations, I ate an abundance of plant-based meals that nourished my body and soul. My aunt’s pambazos (bread fried in red sauce & stuffed with potatoes & mole) quite literally saved my mental health from breaking further amidst a crisis. In Oaxaca, my uncle’s mom and her relatives cooked me spicy chayote, mole tlayudas, and tomato pasta sopita. We went on a tour where there was a buffet with cabbage, radishes, squash flower soup, corn starch desserts, and huge bean tlayudas. I never went to bed hungry, knowing the crops of my ancestors had my back. 🙏🏽 I’ll never be the same after returning. This story is but one cell in the body of an experience beyond words. Thank you to @merlot_samurai for staying up with me, comforting me, and sharing your own struggles with mental health & sleep. Thank you to my family for feeding & sheltering me, even if they could not understand my entire experience.Thank you to my partner @pkmnbreederbenny for being my shoulder to lean on when I felt like no one around me could hold me together. Thank you to myself for cradling my broken self & continuing to love myself when I felt separate from the colorful festivities surrounding me. ORACULARITY feat. Frankie Tanimal OFFICIAL POETIC MUSIC VIDEO PREMIERE! "REWRITTEN" chapbook out now!

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